Changes

Today was Jetu's first day of preschool. She will be starting with 2 half-days per week. This will help her with socialization, language, pre-K learning, etc. This will help mommy by freeing up a much-needed couple of hours per week to catch up on administrative needs of my business, household bills, small work projects, tax returns, sanity, etc. She loved it. Nebyat was emotional today after school and then moreso after picking up Jetu. She teared up in the car and I asked her if she was mad at mommy? No... If she was mad at children? She said yes vehemently. I was anticipating a story about how somebody at school said something, but I didn't get it out of her until we got home and she sat on my lap crying. She said that at Jetu's school, Jetu said that she, Nebyat, was not her sister, that her new friends at school were her sisters. I don't know if this is what Jetu really said. I thought I understood her to say, "This is my sister (to the kids). This is my new friend (to Nebyat)." Perhaps she was speaking English and Nebyat misunderstood, regardless I think it clearly exposes one of Nebyat's fears and transition difficulties. I think she had a really hard time seeing her sister "succeed" without her. Jetu has been very dependent on Nebyat really since birth. As a 4 - 5 year old, Nebyat had significant responsibilities with regard to Jetu, had her strapped to her back, was home alone caring for herself and her baby sister. This is an adjustment to say the least. She came around and had a fun afternoon playing with the neighbors.

Something else changed; I think Nebyat and I reached a new place in our relationship. I was reading her a book last night that we picked up at the library. It's called Hush. Mama loves You... It had a sweet cover drawing. We started reading and Nebyat saw herself in the main child character; somehow I too related to the mama. The little girl, when hurting, always goes to her mama and her mama says the same phrase to her each time to make her feel better. The little girl goes through her somewhat nasty teen years and experiences heartbreak and again, her mama comforts her with the same phrase. The little girl grows up and gets married, has a baby of her own and the mama becomes a grandma. The new mama says the same phrase to the new baby. Well, for some reason, it touched me emotionally and I broke up a bit reading it. Nebyat laughed at mama and her "waa-waa" as we call crying, but it changed something. She asked if when she got big I would be a grandma and I told her if she had a baby. She said she wanted to have one baby. It somehow broke something down for us both whether it was a lingering feeling of uncertainty as to permanence or whether it was a depth of emotion she didn't see in me or feel before, but even today, she's been more free with her affection. It also brought up a bit of a conversation about her grandmother in Ethiopia and whether she'll be alive when Nebyat returns to Ethiopia.