Sounds fascinating...

HISTORY CHANNEL - Monday, Dec 22nd @ 9:00 pm ET

Cities Of The Underworld : Secret Holy Land
Airs on Monday December 22 09:00 PM

E Country is home to some of the oldest settlements in the world. This cradle of mankind is a country born from legend and shrouded in mystery. An ancient home to both Jews and Muslims, E Country is also the world's second oldest Christian nation. But if you were a Christian during ancient times, and if you wanted to stay alive, the only place to practice your faith was underground. From underground engineering marvels to remote, cliff-hanging caves, E Country's isolated churches allowed Christianity to evolve in ways found nowhere else in the world. From tombs of banished emperors and subterranean cathedrals where orthodox priests have been worshipping for thousands of years, to the buried Palace of the Queen of Sheba
and the possible resting place of the Ark of the Covenant, clues to E Country's lost legends and tribes are littered right here...in the African underground.

Prayer Need

Hello all,
Still not a lot to report in adoption news - we await our referral/match. Our paperwork hit E Country 5 weeks ago. What a wonderful Christmas present that would be.....I'm not quite THAT optimistic, but trust in God's timing.

I am on hiatus now from my big project and have one quick project to work on this week and part of next, then of course, we have the holidays.


An amazing opportunity has come up and there's a tiny two-week old baby, Baby "Bear", in Haiti, who needs surgery as soon as possible - he's very fragile and his spinal cord is exposed because of spina bifida and he's not likely to survive without surgery fast! There's a group, Medical Advocacy Team, that has arranged for his surgery in Austin, TX, and they are seeking a host family to care for him while in the States. A friend of mine, from Peace Corps and I have volunteered. We haven't been selected as of yet, there are possibly some other host options, but it may work out that our situation fits best. I would travel to Austin and stay with her and share the responsibility and the work associated with taking care of such a sick and tiny baby for this indefinite period.

Please pray for Baby Bear to hang on in Haiti until his paperwork can be completed and he can be transported to Austin. Pray also for the proper involvement for two crazy women looking for their annual project (TJ and Connie). Pray for the finances to come through for this baby and a bit older girl who will also receive the surgery. Praise and Pray for the doctors who've volunteered to perform these surgeries. Praise for such organizations as this, that go the extra mile to save children. Pray, too, for our referral for our E Country adoption that we would be matched with the children that will fit our family like only God can manage and in his perfect timing.

Loved this one

Progress?

I haven't had much to post about with regard to the adoption process, because......not much has been happening; at least, not on our part. After our dossier arrived on the ground in E Country on November 8, it was out of our hands and all we can do is wait.....and pray, and trust God, and read E Country and adoption related books, and check blogs and online chats about E Country adoption, get our necessary innoculations, prepare for the necessary readoption, and gather donations/gifts for our trip, oh, and wait......Did I mention that?

Gigs and I tried an E Country restaurant in Pittsburgh when we were there, Tana. The owner joined us at the table, because, he thought whoever ordered Gigs' platter must be from E Country. We explained that we were newbies and he showed us how to use the anjera to eat, in lieu of utensils (not provided, I might add). We had several stews (I think wot is the word for stew) - Mike had a beef selection and a chicken selection (doro wot?) - each came with a choice of two sauces - he tried one of each. I had the vegetarian platter and chose 3 items, one was chickpea-based, one was lentils-based, and one was a stew of carrots and cabbage. The anjera is like a huge thin pancake, but different in texture and taste (a bit sourdough-ish) and is used to dip in or pick up the various stews which are served on top of it. The other thing we tried was a red beet and potato salad which was very yummy. I wouldn't say it was my favorite food of all time or anything, but it was all very tasty and Gigs and I shared and enjoyed each choice. When it was first served it looked like a small quantity, but the anjera is very filling - I think it has much protein and calcium, etc. The experience was awesome and put any worries we might have had to rest about what we will be eating in E Country when we're there.

The other very cool thing that happened while at the restaurant was that an adoptive mother came in with her 2 children, one adopted from E Country. The owner hugged everyone and spun the little boy around - he apparently came to the US 6 months ago. The community there was very warm. As we left the restaurant, we noticed a notebook that was labeled adoptive families and we opened it to see some 30 or so families listed. We added our names to the list. Apparently, an adoption group meets there every month to have the kids get to know one another and for the parents to support one another. It will be cool if we're in Pittsburgh for the 4th Saturday of any month to join them. I was very emotional writing our names in the notebook. The owner came and talked to us about what the group does there and we mentioned that we were waiting for our referral. It still makes me want to cry, it makes it feel so real, so possible. I don't always feel that way.

The answer to the big question....

I know you all are still wondering about the choice of my colors for the blog...and since I'll be refreshing it soon, I thought I'd share the reasoning, in light of the holidays and all. Gigs and I are from the Pittsburgh area and one of our many favorite traditional foods is................pickled eggs and beats! I know, it's lame....

Dossier is in E-Country - Confirmed!

We received the following notification today - woohoo! I wanted to save this for our adoption life book for our children, hence my inclusion of even the tracking information for the package. I never would have expected it to take 7 or 8 days to get to its destination, very glad to know it arrived safely! We're on our way, folks!


Dear TJ,

Good news- your dossier arrived in E-Country today!

We will touch base with our coordinator this week and find out the next step for you.

Very exciting!



November 03, 2008 16:04 Landover, MD - USA Shipment picked up
November 04, 2008 09:37 New York City Gateway, NY - USA Departed from DHL facility in New York City Gateway - USA
November 04, 2008 23:39 Leipzig - Germany Arrived at DHL facility in Leipzig - Germany
November 05, 2008 04:22 Leipzig - Germany Departed from DHL facility in Leipzig - Germany
November 05, 2008 11:09 Frankfurt - Germany Departed from DHL facility in Frankfurt - Germany
November 06, 2008 07:15 Addis Ababa - E-Country Arrived at DHL facility in Addis Ababa - E-Country
November 06, 2008 07:16 Addis Ababa - E-Country Arrived at DHL Facility
November 06, 2008 08:07 Addis Ababa - E-Country Address Information needed; contact DHL
November 06, 2008 16:05 Addis Ababa - E-Country Awaiting pick up by recipient as requested
November 08, 2008 11:35 Addis Ababa - E-Country Awaiting pick up by recipient as requested
November 10, 2008 11:09 Addis Ababa - E-Country Shipment delivered

Sincerely,
Our Agency Case Worker

There will likely be big breaks...

At this point, I anticipate that there will be big breaks in my blogging as the wait has begun. As far as I know, our dossier is enroute or in E-Country and I'm not sure when I'll know a status next. In the meantime, I'm in my last week for my big annual project at work - this week is sit and wait, and clean up week. I have sent my last work package to DC and am awaiting partner review comments and the release of the last official report for the year. There's also a possibility that the management for the consolidated group, of which we are a part, will ask for something, so I have to pretty much be on call some part of this week and next. I will then be on hiatus until probably April next year. I plan to work as much as possible on other projects over the next 5 months to try to sock away some extra dough - not knowing how Mike's work will be affected next year by the economic downturn and what my availability for work will be with our adoption, God willing, finalizing.

Our goal is to be home with our kids as much as possible. Certainly for the first six months or more we plan to try to alternate work schedules and minimize any assistance we'll need so as to focus on attachment and bonding with the little ones. The biggest challenge is to decide to turn down a contract when I don't have any definite information about the timing or certainty of our adoption; and if I accept it, then I am committed and will have to fulfill. For example, in April, we had a birthmother decide to parent her baby, if I hadn't signed my contract for this year right around that time, I would have had a difficult time finding something to substitute, but if she had followed through on her adoption plan, we'd have been juggling. Timing, in general, is just a difficult thing when you're dealing with adoption and I've given it to God. It's funny how I'm always "giving" things to God - he had them in the first place, I was just foolish enough to think my worrying or trying to control them would have some impact. Aaah, the lessons this process brings.... Wish I were a quicker study, things might move faster.

Please read this article....

Click on the title. I must warn you that it comes with responsibility. Once you have the information, you may be changed and you certainly will no longer be able to claim ignorance. If you think you can do nothing, please reconsider. The first and most powerful thing you can do is pray to our God who possesses supernatural power - the supernatural level of which is desperately needed in this case! Keep in mind this article is over 6 years old. The number of orphans in E-Country is five times what is reported here and is expected to climb to a rate that 25% of the children in E-Country will be orphaned in the next couple of years.

If you're inspired, the author of this article has written a book - You can read another article about the book and get more information about how to obtain it. It's a fabulous read!

Off to the Nation's Capitol

Well, the dossier is off to DC for State Dept and E-Country Embassy approvals. My final work package is going out tonight as well, to DC - I'm so glad to be finishing this project up this year! It really hasn't been very stressful or bad this year, at all - I'm just ready for a break!

Our facilitator will be gone from tomorrow until 11/9, so I guess things will be relatively quiet for a while - that's probably good.

Learning to accept and trust...

When I mailed out the dossier on Thursday, I thought about whether I should mark the box for early am delivery. For some reason, I thought, nah - that will cost significantly more and probably won't be necessary. I sent it out for standard delivery, emailed the agency to expect it, and then found out that if it arrived early enough at the agency, it could be processed and sent out to DC same day with all the other dossiers that had been collected for E Country so far. Well, of course, the package didn't get delivered early enough for that to happen and actually, it was not delivered at all, because apparently the agency was closed when they attempted to deliver at 2:30 PM or thereabouts. Oh well, I really am trying to do better accepting things and trusting that God's timing is perfect. For whatever reason, mine will have to wait and go next week, perhaps there'll be something positive come by having not rushed it or they'll learn something with the earlier ones that saves some time when mine gets processed - who knows. I am feeling really at peace with everything.

Tuh--Deh-Deh--Duh!

Today was a good day! We were able to complete our dossier and FEDEX it to our agency in California! It doesn't look like much, but it took much time and patience to get it all together-I was so unrealistic in my plan to have it out 5 weeks ago-Hah! That was my original goal!

They will now check it out thoroughly and, God willing, pass it on to the courier in DC who will hand-carry it to the State Department and then to the E-Country Embassy for additional authentications. Then it's off to E-Country for translation and submission to the Ministry there for approval to list us for our referral wait.

I know absolutely nothing, but got some info that led me to believe that wheels might be turning over there already.....now that's exciting! I am ready now to look forward to the next big momentous stage - I hope that there's an official approval when we're placed on the waiting list so that we know we've been approved by E-Country while we wait. I'll have to check on that to see what notification to expect.

So close and yet, not quite there....

Still waiting for that state authenticated cover letter, and in the meantime, the agency has indicated we also must send 4 passport photos of each of us in a white envelope with the dossier. I guess we'll get on that tomorrow. It's so exciting to start thinking about the next phase of our process, the identification of our children and then, referral.

They're starting to staff the orphanage in E-Country and they'll start relocating children to their temporary home soon - that's very exciting, too!

Quick Update

We are waiting for our state-authenticated cover letter to be returned from the Secretary of the Commonwealth, hopefully, today or tomorrow. Upon receipt, a few final copies, and the dossier is going out with the next round of checks including one for a courier in DC to hand carry our dossier to the US State Dept and to the E-Country Embassy - I suppose additional seals will be added at each level to authenticate the documents. Then it's off to E-Country for translation and submission to the Ministry of Women's Affairs for approval to be placed on the waiting list. Cannot wait!

Change of Career Announcement

I've decided to become a psychologist, I think they might need some new ones. I have never met anyone less concerned about other people, unprepared, unprofessional, and unwilling to just go with the flow and do the letter as requested. He was 20-30 minutes late both times we met with him, barely inquired of us anything, and charged us $600. Hence, the plan to change my career.

Basically, the tests revealed we were within the normal range, he asked Gigs 2 questions, and me one. My test revealed normal limits, no mental disease or defect and a personality type that says I am calm, satisfied with my life and circumstances, and comfortable in social situations.

Gigs was within the normal range (for the circumstances) [whatever that means]. The test revealed no mental disease or defect and a personality such that he sees himself relatively problem free and at times may overlook minor difficulties because of his tendency to focus on the positive. Hmmmmm, is that a bad thing? That's very true of Gigs.

For both of us, he made the statement: Based on the diagnostic interviews and psychological testing this writer is of the opinion that [Gigs and TJ] exhibit the sort of cognitive and emotional function level that would predict successful functioning in the parent role.

I am sending the letters to our agency without arguing, but I think you might be able to sense my frustration at this point. We're not quite finished yet, still have to have our notary go to him tomorrow at 12:45 for the signatures and notarizations.

Praying for our Final Step

Today is the day - our follow-up for our psychological evaluation. Gigs, of course, is thrilled to spend another 2 hours talking to the psychologist. It should be interesting to see the results of our exam. I have to say, it's hard to imagine that anything would come up, but then... you start wondering about some of the answers you gave. For example, the psychologist warned us not to try to figure out what we thought the "right" answers were, because it was obvious that we were hiding things and that we didn't want to sound too virtuous.

There were some questions about my opinion, in general, of humans, and their potential for lying or cheating. I think that's human nature and must be challenged all the time. Do I think that a vast majority of people stretch things for their tax returns? yes. Do I think that most people if they got too much change from a cashier, would keep it? yes. Do I think, especially when people are "stealing from" or "lying to" a big company, that they're more likely to do it and less likely to be remorseful? yes. I admit that even, for myself, it's tempting to stretch to invoice for a full hour when it might have been 40 minutes that I worked, etc. It's been a couple years, but I've gone into a second movie after watching the one I paid for (Hey, the movie was going to play whether I watched it or not, so what's the harm, right? wrong). I've mended my ways and, as I've felt convicted, I cleaned up those little things more and more because I desire to face my Heavenly Father and have him declare me a good and faithful servant and to make Him proud. I obey out of love and a desire to please. Which is another reason I didn't want to lie in the test, I hope that my honesty in the test doesn't put me in some unexpected category of sociopathy.

Please pray that the meeting goes well and that Dr. Ward does what he needs to do in a timely fashion. Our kids are waiting!

So, so ready to submit....

On Friday I faxed all of our dossier documents to our agency for them to review since we cannot submit the final dossier until we have our psych evaluation letters in hand. I was hoping to get anything necessary corrected prior to sending the dossier in for processing and avoid delays at that time. Well I just received the following words from our facilitator:


I received your fax with your dossier for review.

Per the comments below it looks like you are ready to send it to me along with 2 exact copies and your payments.

Great job and congratulations!

1. Adoption Application Letter OK
2. USCIS Form I-171H (or its equivalent) OK
3. Adoption Agency License (provided by Agency) We will provide this
4. Home Study (with Agency and Social Worker licenses) OK
5. Birth Certificate OK
6. Marriage Certificate OK
7. Verification of Income (Employment Letter) OK
8. Medical Certificate s OK
9. Police Good Conduct Reports OK
10. Letter of Reference from Local Official OK
11. Letters of Reference from Family/Friends (2) OK
12. Power of Attorney (2) Remember -2 of these certified
13. Post Placement Obligation Letter OK
14. Photographs Remember to include photos


the verdict was good so you can breathe!
ON to the next step

This is, of course, very good news. I can now make all of the copies and just be waiting for those psych(o) letters. Say a prayer the psychologist is more reasonable than we expect, that he writes the letters in accordance with the guidelines, and that he does not require numerous days to do so. I am giving him a cd with the letters mocked up so he could just print them on letterhead immediately, but I am not anticipating it to be that easy. Additionally, I just checked with the office to see if there is a notary on staff. The receptionist said yes, but that she works her own schedule and is not there all the time. I will not know if her commission expires later than our requirement, etc. My notary can go and notarize the letters, but that might be hard to coordinate. I'm going to stop worrying and deal with it as it comes and, for the moment, enjoy the successful review of the dossier docs.

Home alone

I try to enjoy any alone time I get. I'm not much of a loner. I was single for 20 years or there abouts before our marriage 3 years ago. I don't really miss much about being single. It just seems like I should appreciate the alone time when it comes, especially with the impending full house that I so much look forward to. (I know - shouldn't end with a preposition, sorry) I tell myself things like if I don't enjoy spending time with me, then who would? I don't hate it, I just miss Gigs and I do not sleep well when he's not in there with me. I've been reading blogs and checking my emails and there's just not a whole lot going on this Saturday night. I did watch an old(er) movie a while ago - it was recommended by a friend after I was so moved by 'There is no Me without You" about E-Country, adoption, and the HIV/AIDS epidemic there. And the Band Played On was a good movie about the outbreak of the disease in the US. I hope they make a movie from the book mentioned above - I think it would bring some things to light that people need to be made aware of. (I know, preposition, guess I get a failing grade for grammar tonight.)

Famine in E-Country - not old news!

Click on the link below.


'http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/world/2008/08/05/geissler.ethiopia.famine.ITN

God has seen you struggling (with something), God says it's over. A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God, share him with others.

I changed this because it was one of those crazy "pass it on, you're being tested" things that make me feel uncomfortable. So, if you see it here and it comforts you, share it.

I suddenly am addicted to Geography

There is an awesome game on Tripadvisor.com, for homeschoolers, prospective adoptive parents, people just generally interested in learning more about the world, this will challenge you. I must caution you that it can be a bit addictive, but I really know much more about where in the world the places you hear about in the news are now and it was fun learning.

Online education

Our agency requires that we each have 10 hours of adoption-related education despite the fact that E-Country is not a Hague country. These can be accomplished by signing up for courses online and it involves reading and taking quizzes to get certificates to satisfy the education requirement. The subjects range from country-specific information to information on attachment & bonding, fetal alcohol syndrome, early childhood stress, etc. I, personally, have spent much time reading over the last year and have completed whole text books on the subjects in far more depth, but I have no certificates for that work, so I have to do this as well. If ever you do this, don't sign up, skim the materials, reading new information in detail and take all the tests in an hour or so....the online course computer red-flags you and your legitimate participation is questioned. I did respond with information that seemed to satisfy the questioner, but I would definitely just wait so that there's no question about the legitimacy of your studies. Now, the challenge is to get my husband through all of the material; it really is important for both parents to be aware of possible issues. He'll be out of town from Friday through Monday, so I don't think much will get done then and we should have this done prior to submitting our dossier in case they will not process without it.

Say a prayer that the rest of our psych evaluation process goes well. I do not have warm fuzzy feelings about the psychologist writing the letter verbatim, etc. It's a bit reminiscent of my medical certification letter - I am hoping not. I was a bit offended by the psychologist when within the first 10 minutes of meeting us he basically said you don't want to adopt an older child because they've been abused and molested, then come over here and do the same thing to others because they don't know any different. So much for picking the "Christian" psych clinic. Luckily we didn't have to get into it with him since we were seeking to adopt younger children. And no, I'm not naiive, I do understand that such issues are possible, but writing all older children off.....and this is a psychologist? a Christian?

We have all dossier docs in hand and will be sending copies via fax to our agency to give feedback on any changes that need to be made - something we can do while we wait to complete the psych process.

A Bit Sad about Delays...

We received the last of our dossier documents today and could easily get this dossier out today or tomorrow. Unfortunately, our agency will not process our dossier until we submit the final letters from our psychological evaluation. We were not informed that we had to have one, so we did not schedule this right away. I only found out by chatting with others in process. Gigs and I, each took the 567 question inventory (exam) on Monday and now we cannot get back in to see the psychologist until Tuesday, 10/14, the day I was hoping our dossier would be in E-Country for translation and submission to the Ministry of Women's Affairs. He'll need a few days after that to finalize the letters as well, so it looks like the earliest this will happen is Friday 10/17. Oh well, I am trying to accept God's timing, what's 14 days in comparison to Eternity. I'm just so excited to move forward!

I have a big praise for God today, as my friend's 4 month old baby, Ella, had a 6-hour surgury this morning to untether her spinal cord and correct another spina bifida issue and the results were just about as good as you could hope for. Her legs are moving after surgery and also the rectal muscles were responsive. She'll have to be monitored closely for reattachment and other issues that may develop, but it's quite possible that she may not have to have any more surgery and can have an unaffected life. Woohoo!

We're just about at the top of the next hill

We had a very quick turnaround of the state authentications of our powers of attorney. I believe we can get our dossier out tomorrow or Monday, woooohooooo!

The powers of attorney are required in E Country because our adoption(s) will be finalized prior to our arrival in country. A representative will act on our behalf for court, etc. and then when we travel to E Country, we'll be in and out in 5 to 7 days - we'll secure visas for the children, they'll likely have doctor appointments and bloodwork and we'll be on our way home. I'm not sure what arrangements will be made when we arrive - will we be allowed to pick them up and take them with us to our guest house or hotel? Seems like that's the way it should be considering the adoption is already final - I guess all of that will be made clear as we get closer. Because we will not have seen the children in person prior to their adoption finalization in E Country, they will have to have a different type of visa to enter the States and we will have to readopt them upon return. At least, that's my basic understanding.

Future temporary home of our children

We've been informed by our agency that when we accept our referral, our children will be moved to an orphanage sponsored by the agency in the capital city of E-Country. They will be well cared for there, and our updates and information will be more reliable than otherwise might have been the case. Additionally, it will limit our required travel while in country, keeping us safer and making the trip less stressful. We will, of course, be charged a relatively small monthly fee for the care provided to the children.

I am trying to visualize Gigs and I walking through these gates in the very near future and the joy that we will feel when we meet our little ones for the first time. These pictures helped with that visualization. The orphanage will be able to house up to 60 children and the agency is just now starting the renovation and equipping of the space after having received approval. I think this might be a place we are drawn back to through the years, as well.

Just waiting on the state authentication of our powers of attorney and one reference letter from our pastor, and we're good to go. We'll be doing some online education courses this weekend and starting our psych eval on Monday at lunch!

Love to all!

Need to share...

Thanks for the memories, Courtney!

Some of you know my story and some of you do not. The picture here is of my daughter, Jessica when she was about 2 years old. I think it pretty much captures her essence - cowboy boots, dancing on the table, smiling and full of life - the joy of mine. Jessica died in a car accident along with my first husband, 2 months before her 4th birthday.

I have not been a day-to-day mom for 22 years and yet it seems like it was just yesterday in so many ways. I love to share my mommy experiences, albeit distant, with my newly blessed mommy friends; it's so much a part of who I am. And, I always love to share my memories of Jessica, not just on special occasions and anniversaries, but any day, everyday, part of my life even now. Since their deaths, I've had so many amazing experiences....I've graduated from college and created a unique career and business for myself, I joined the Peace Corps, I've travelled to amazing places all over the world, I've rockclimbed, white water rafted, jumped out of an airplane, you name it, I've probably done it. But, nothing has compared to my experience being that little girl's mommy.

I saw a post on the Rockstars' blog and had to find this picture. Lulu just reminded me so much of Jess, I wanted to share. Man.....I can't wait to be a [day-to-day] mommy again!

No groveling required

Just received word from our agency that we do not have to have our medical certifications redone even though the notary commission expires 7/31/2009 (less than a year out) - woohoo! I pray that's because the expectation is that our adoption will be final before that causes any kind of problem! I think we're good to go with regard to those. I sent off the powers of attorney for a redo to deal with differing dates between our signatures and the notarizations and hope those will be returned prior to week end. Our homestudy agency submitted our final dossier and their licenses, etc. directly to our international agency and I got word today that everything is complete and proper there! It's sooooo close.....I'm overwhelmed with excitement and we're not even to the good part yet. Praise God for the good days!

Will the pursuit for the dreaded medical certs ever end?

You can look through the last couple of weeks of posts and see what a fun task it has been to get 2 letters saying we are medically ok to adopt. I picked up the "perfect" letters on Sunday at the docs office. I looked at the office manager's notary commission expiration today and realized that her commission expires in 7/2009. My understanding is that the notary's commission should not expire within one year of the date of the letter, now what? Round 4? Waiting for advisement from our agency......

Some days are just better than others....

I had an awesome morning. I spent the night with friends last night to give them a full night's sleep and had the awesome fun of hanging out with 4-month old, baby Ella, until 1:30 - 2 AM - she's been going through a phase for the last 3 weeks or so wearing Mommy & Daddy down a bit. She then slept for 7 hours or so, except for the 3:30 and 5:00 threats of waking. A quick binky check and she went back to sleep and so did I. Mommy and I also had some good quality time to talk, which is always an awesome experience. Our friendship has taken on a whole new dimension with the addition of children in the picture and a shared faith in God that is bringing us closer together.

I came home and the USCIS letter of favorable determination for our E Country adoption was in the mailbox. I felt really good today and Church was very inspiring - loved some of the music today. I volunteered for a short period counting collection at the Church. I picked up redone medical letters and am excited that our dossier can now be submitted by the end of the week! Overall, just a blessed day!

Blessings

I have to say our doctors office (really just the one doc) that caused so much stress to start with, has really turned it around - well, the office manager and our regular doc did. I decided to go ahead and request our medical certs be redone as I anticipate they will be rejected due to the date of the letter being different than the date of the notarization. We're still waiting on our favorable determination from USCIS for our new country choice and age range, so I had time to get it fixed before we send it off - all blessings.

The paperwork is sooooo not exciting - I am anxious to get this thing submitted and move on to the personal, heart-warming and heart-wrenching stuff! I love meeting other people in the process, reading their blogs, and feeling a kinship even when I've never met them. It's cool how each new experience in your life brings you a whole new set of friends - family really.

We are the world......come on - sing with me now! OK - so I'm a bit sappy today - at least I'm not grumpy.

Psycho!

OK - the first price I got was $700; ugggh, I've had another one of those, plus one for $1500! Ok, I'm going back to school - I thought I got paid a good hourly rate....

Update: I have received estimates of $1300 and $1500 and nothing yet less than the $700 which two practices have estimated. I am waiting for the "Christian" Psych services to come in, and I'm praying they'll be lower. It may pay to travel to get this done at these kinds of rates.

Update: The "Christians" came in at $600 - a little better, but cannot see us to do everything until the 6th of October. This is not required for our dossier, so that shouldn't be a problem - I was still hoping for about 1/2 of that. Our health insurance provider indicated that this practice is part of our network and that we do not have to have a preapproval for an initial consultation - I wonder if we'd be able to submit our interview sessions under the insurance?

Update: I also received a second $600 quote from another doctor today, it looks like that might be the best we can do in this area - I guess it wouldn't be worth taking off work, etc. to travel somewhere to do it cheaper.

Psych!

Well, let's see, I wasn't totally aware of this, but Gigs and I must have a psychological evaluation including standardized testing and a letter drafted by the psychologist for our adoption process. I learned this when chatting online with another PAP E-Country with our agency. PAP for those who cannot guess is prospective adoptive parent (I think). I've been calling around in my spare (haha) time to find a place to get the psych eval done in a timeframe that won't delay us and that is not enormously expensive. The first price I got was $700! I'm hoping to get that down to $300 or less.

In other exciting news, I've learned much about notarization issues people have been facing in their processes over the last few days - thanks to the same PAP. I already have most of our dossier documents together and now in reevaluating them all with my new understanding, there's a likelihood that I'll have to redo a couple things, including.......you guessed it, the medical certs for which I stressed and begged, etc. Yep - the dates on the letters are not the same as the date of the notarization. This will also likely affect the powers of attorney which I've already had state authenticated. Man, it really would have been helpful to know this in advance - not sure why it wasn't included in the specific notarization guidance provided. Oh well, at least I can work on it while waiting for the revised USCIS determination.

Snuggle Time

Got me a bit of a snuggle today for about 2 - 2 1/2 hours sitting with my friends' 5 week old while they took their twin 2 year olds to the lab for blood work - poor little guys had a rough day. We had fun at Panera in the meantime. I did a little work while Bebe slept and then he drank his bottle and smiled and cooed with me. He's just so sweet. Of course, everyone smiles and goes crazy over such a little one. Aaaagh, sweet memories....

Today Gigs picked up our letters from the doctor - I haven't scrutinized them yet, so I refuse to celebrate too much yet, but it could be that they're done and in an acceptable format. I love that. We also received our POAs which had to be authenticated by the Secretary of the Commonwealth of Virginia. Those are ready to go, and our friend, as I said below, prepared our local official recommendation, as clergy, from our church. The only thing we wait for now is our revised I-171H for E-Country. I hope things there turnaround as quickly as they have in the past. We're very blessed that our local office of USCIS is not crazy like others around the country. People were waiting up to 8 months for approvals - we're like at 8 days or something!

I will need to print some stuff and get Gigs to sign it before he leaves, but otherwise we are anxious to move forward!

Friends and Friends of Friends....

My super friends with whom I got to travel two weeks ago to assist in the picking up of their twins from Haiti wrote a wonderful letter for our dossier at my request, turning it around so quickly when I know how tough it is at their house right now with 3 children under 3 years old. I'm sure someone sacrificed a shower for this one. I have to thank them and tell the blogosphere just how wonderful they are!

And, our regular doctor, he got it this morning; even though I did a walk-in appointment on his rounds to follow up on a 7-week old bugbite - my lame excuse for the appt. He did look at the bug bite, but he also said he'd handle the adoption letter thing and that I could pick both letters up again tomorrow - I'm nervous having left the one that Gigs already got as the example for how my letter should be written as well. Praying all goes well and the medical requirements are met tomorrow. I had blood labs drawn and scheduled my annual physical for October and he'll write a letter indicating I'm in excellent health and recommended for adoption. I didn't even mention that we have a mutual friend until he'd already agreed to do the letter. Big praises going up on that!

In bad news, we lost a friend (more a friend of a friend), but it affects many of those close to us. We pray for comfort for Joy's family and friends at this difficult time. Another friend, in Poland, was going through invitro and did not have a positive pregnancy result after her transfer. She and her husband are devastated again and desperately want to be mommy and daddy - if you're a prayer, include Halina and Marcin.

Lakeesha walks the walk...

The police clerk at the local police records area earned a gold star this morning. She reproduced our local police clearance letters on the agency-recommended template and helped with getting "proper" signatures on the letters as well. She didn't even charge me another $30. She did it with a smile and had a magnet at her desk that said, "Little kindnesses are what change work to life" or something like that. I was most appreciative and thought I'd send a kudos to the blogosphere on her behalf. I pray someone does something extra special for her - it would probably be frowned upon for me to under the circumstance.

Check this out!

http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/v/9754358

Misty's husband (see button at right) posted this. If this doesn't encourage you to pray for Misty and to praise God, I guess nothing will.

Begging

I wonder how successful I'll be with my new approach. I have called the doctor's office and asked for an appointment with my family physician for another physical - none available until 9/30 - too long to wait, because then I'll have to have labs and wait and then wait for the letter, etc.

The receptionist said our family doc has walk-ins Thursday and Friday morning this week, so I'll be there at 8:30 am on Thursday and see if I can beg my way into the letter. I can initiate another physical or whatever he needs, but hopefully he can just do my letter in the meantime. Perhaps I'll drop our mutual friend's name even - as I've been reminded - my children depend on it.

Celebrated too early...

Of course, the doctor I was worried about, screwed things up. He changed the format of my letter to document the date of his examination which was 10/07 (nearly a year ago) and that I had slightly elevated fasting blood sugar and lipids (e.g., my cholesterol was over 200 - it was a whopping 205). Then stated that the labs do not preclude successful adoption. My question is, then "Why did you feel a need to include the information?" I'm going to check, but I'm almost certain that I am now going to have to schedule another physical, wait for labs, and more letters, etc. This could be a month delay, hopefully less though. He just could not sign it the way it was. He even left in the part that I am in excellent physical, mental, and emotional health. It's very frustrating. I will not have my physical repeated with him, but go to my regular doctor at the practice. He's far more understanding and supportive. I could seriously understand if there had been anything significant, but by his own writing, slightly elevated blood levels of cholesterol - give me a break. God's timing....or maybe an answer to my prayers for assistance on weight loss and exercise motivation? Be careful what you ask for.

Well, in anticipation of another round of blood work and an examination that could impact the adoption - I'm on fruits and veggies today, a soy latte (Yuck!) and lean protein. I'm also going to fit in my workouts this week and drink all my water. My blood pressure, etc. responds very quickly when I do what I'm supposed to. It'll kickstart my health plan! Praise God, there's something good in everything.

Docs are done, Country change is requested

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallej.....lu....jah! The doctors both signed our letters. I dropped our request off to USCIS for our country change and age range change (say that 3 times fast, ha!)today - well, mailed it as they would not accept it hand-delivered, oh well -the post office lady said they'd have it tomorrow. That's about the best I could do. I was going to fedex it, but it would have been so costly and I don't think it would have gotten there any sooner.

I just went through the checklist and we're still waiting on a few things, but overall we are pretty close - nothing that WE must initiate or anticipate will take a bunch of time. Gigs got his income verification letter from his boss and I drafted my letter to be signed by my CPA (since I'm self-employed). We have local police good conduct reports, but they're going to have to be redone in a different format. That's about the last thing that we have to get done before Gigs goes to Germany next week and is not here to sign or do something. I actually think we might be able to get this thing submitted by the end of next week, if not this. I'm not sure when the clock starts - I think it's after translation and submission in country, but it shouldn't be long - I just am so excited about awaiting a referral. OK, I'm not stupid, I'm not excited about the waiting part, but being at that stage of the process is cool, the next step - awaiting travel will be harder, but also cooler, and travelling will be the ultimate! I feel good today about the whole thing, and I thank God for helping us find favor everywhere [so far] in this E Country process.

Loving our regular doc!

Our regular family physician performed Gigs' adoption physical 11 months ago and he signed the letter we need for our dossier and got it back to us right away. I had a different doctor, one with no personality, no sense of humor, you know.... He's apparently still working on my letter and I pray that God will soften his heart and let this go through without a hitch on Monday. Praise God that Gigs' is the one that for sure is complete and dated 9/10/2008 - I was worried because he will be leaving the country for 10-12 days and there'd be no way to get in to the docs before that - delaying us significantly. I can, if necessary, do another physical, but I'm still hoping not to have to. Our powers of attorney are notarized and being sent for state authentication today as well, so I'll be praying for a quick turnaround and positive result there as well. On Monday, I will hand deliver our amended home study and request for country change to USCIS - if things move like they did before with them, we will have that turned around quickly as well. It's coming together and although it might be a little later than I'd hoped, the dossier will be complete and sent off for federal authentication, approval by the E Country Embassy and then to E Country for translation and submission. I'm so grateful that this process and program and case worker have been so easy - after all the other struggles and disappointments, this just feels like God's will made clear. Woohoo!

Hopeful....

I just checked with the doctors' office and they said the doctors have received my request for the letters and that they will be ready on Monday. Ooooh, could it be, that this will happen? That's very exciting. I'll say a prayer that nothing else comes up to complicate that particular piece of the dossier. I am also getting with my good friend, who became a notary just so she could notarize all of my adoption documents, today or tomorrow to have her notarize the power of attorney documents we must submit authenticated by our Secretary of State in Virginia. This apparently is the only document that will require this particular authentication which is great news. We're also still waiting for several birth, death, marriage, and divorce certificates to show up in the mail. I'm too excited!

Dropped them off, saying a prayer

Today I dropped off the medical certificates for signatures and notarizations asking for them back by Monday. I sure do hope that goes smoothly - but I'll praise God either way. I also received our revised home study expanding our age range for which we're seeking approval. I need to submit it to USCIS with a request to approve the age changes and change countries again as well from R Country to E Country. I think I'll hand deliver it tomorrow. Our turnaround time here in the Hampton Roads, Virginia area has been pretty swift, praise the Lord. I've heard horror stories of people, for example, in Texas, waiting 8 months for CIS approval. Once we receive our new I-171H and have our medical letters, we'll be well on our way to the completed dossier. The program director let us know about some other favorable changes relating to state authentications not being required now and the E Country embassy authenticating dossiers in as little as 2 days! That's awesome. I pray it works that smoothly.

What are the chances?

We've had our adoption physicals and we need to have letters prepared that are not in the same format as what previously had been provided. Our physicals will be a year old at the end of October and I want to submit this dossier in the next week. What do you think the chances are that I can get one or both docs to sign the letters and have them notarized with the current date on them, so that they will be less than a year old throughout our whole process (God willing)? I'm thinking my doc was not nice at all, didn't have any sense of humor, and I cannot see him participating in any way. I think our other family doc that Gigs had will do it. He's also a friend of my manager at work, so I'm thinking about asking for the favor. I just don't know how long it will take otherwise. It's not that we won't be getting physicals, we're very diligent about that stuff - Gigs'll be 50 this next year and he'll have some additional tests to undergo, etc. I just want to be able to send in the dossier asap. Say a prayer that either which way, we can get what we need done quickly.

End of the process - not our process, but almost as good!

I've had a most amazing experience the last week. I was honored and thrilled to be permitted to witness the homecoming of my friends' adopted children first hand. Since God seemed to think it was appropriate to bring their newborn son into this world within a week of the final permission to bring their twin boys home from Haiti, things got a bit complicated. From the 8 or 9 days that Juli went overdue to the ultimate conclusion of a pretty long labor in a difficult Ceasarean birth and recovery, you'd think that would be complication enough. Nope - how about 3 hurricanes including the lovely little doozey, Hanna, that did that nice loop over Haiti the day they were supposed to fly in and out to pick up the boys, the two or three cancelled flights home, Chuck's very painful planter fasciitis flare up, Juli's not being allowed to lift anything, and you get the picture. They were in need of at least an extra set of hands. It was rough duty, but somebody had to do it. What a blast, really - I loved snuggling Tristan, the 3-week old, he travelled awesomely (word?) and then those precious boys came off the plane with Mommy & Daddy and melted my heart. I still don't know what Mimi and Tutu mean in Haitian Creole, but it has something to do with Tom and Jerry Cartoons. Those boys were so reserved until we put them in a double stroller and rolled them through the Miami airport. They took on completely different personas - rockstars! They waved and talked to every person who walked by - I'll never forget the mostly smiling responses. Ohhhhhh, they are going to be so much fun!

I am so encouraged right now about our adoption plans. I just pray that our path there is shorter - these poor babes waited from the time they were 10 weeks old, not much older than Tristan, when Mommy & Daddy committed to adopt them, for 2 years and 8 months to be allowed to come home to their forever family! Praise God they are home at last! Juli is an awesome mom and such an inspiration in how she's dealt with this adoption process, her pregnancy, the issues associated with getting the boys this last week, etc. They say you know a Christian by their fruit - Juli's fruit (and milk) is overflowing! Chuck is the Dude, Man, you will never see a prouder, more excited father. He sings and plays with the boys and they will never not know how loved they are or be able to say he's never communicated his love to them. All of these boys are so lucky to be part of this family; and these parents are so blessed to have these 3 awesome children! God is Good!

It wasn't our homecoming, but right up there in the joy department - and I'm very grateful to have been there.

Paperwork, Paperwork, Paperwork....

They say the paperwork and waiting is the pregnancy and labor associated with adopted children. The downside of that is of course, sometimes it takes longer than 9 months to get to the arrival of the child. This is where we are now in our quest to adopt from E Country. I really wanted to try to get our dossier submitted within just a couple of weeks and that still may happen. The things that could slow us down are the medicals (ours turn a year old at the end of October and may need to be updated) and the I-171H from the USCIS which must be reissued based on our revisions to the home study to include a country change and a broadening of our acceptable age range. We are stating in our home study 2 sibling children between 6 and 60 months in age. We are stating a preference with our international agency for same-sex siblings and would prefer 6-36 months. God's got it worked out for us, so we will see how that plays out in the next few months. I am so excited to get a referral. I know it will be difficult, but so motivating to have specific children to focus on. I need faces, specifics at this point.

We had an interesting inquiry while I was in Miami. Our homestudy agency had a call from an agency in Oklahoma looking for a "Christian family, active in their Church" to adopt a baby due 9/19. Our case worker just wanted to check to see if we wanted to be considered. We declined. I really do not want to be sidetracked from our plan this time. We've waited long enough and we're so excited about E Country. This feels right!

Keep your hands inside the car at all times...

Dossier Requirements in Hand

Finally, I've gotten the official checklist for our Agency's guidelines for the E-Country dossier. I'm trying to anticipate anything that would delay us from timely submitting our paperwork. I've ordered all the relevant certificates and the only delays I could imagine are medicals, if we have to redo, and changes to our USCIS paperwork and homestudy to increase our age range from 36 to 48 months and to redirect our approval to E-Country from Moscow. I have to be more realistic, I think, about how long this will take. I keep wanting to think in terms of best case scenario, and really must focus on the outside timeframes. Anxiety builds....

Say a prayer for peace for me and a general improvement in my mood and work motivation. I am very grateful for all of the good stuff in my life and all the opportunities that my work provides, I need to focus on that gratitude and not be discontent because of the status of our adoption proceedings. God, please help me to glorify you in all that comes in this process.

Losing it!

My friend just emailed and asked if Gigs and I are really adopting from Haiti - no, we are not - I guess I am just so excited about my friends bringing their twins home from Haiti and our related trip coming up next week, and Hurricane Gustav that just hammered Haiti, that I have Haiti on the Brain!

I changed the entry to E Country!

With a deep breath and a whispered prayer....

I just sent off our signed adoption agreement and the first financial installment for the adoption of two same-sex siblings between the ages of 0 and 3 from E-Country - AAAAAAAAAAAGH! That's nerve-wrecking, but very exciting! Say a prayer that this is where we will find the child(ren) God has selected for us!

Focus

Where does it go when you're in an adoption frame of mind? I wish I could just focus on the adoption process, it tends to be what I think about most of the time anyway. The problem really is, though, that it's such a long and drawn-out, unpredictable process, and I would probably be insane if it were the only thing I focused on. I have other things to do, but I prefer to read about E Country, check other people's blogs about their journeys, order E Country language programs, think about nursery decorating, etc. This work thing is just no fun - I cannot seem to get done what I need to get done and I don't know how to fix it.

We must make a decision about the number of children to pursue; until that decision is made, we cannot get the next step of the process underway. I think we should go for two - take a leap of faith. Gigs said he'd leave that decision up to me since it could slow our referral. This was his idea, you know. I hardly think it's fair that this is the one thing then that he wants me to decide. I'm thinking it came from God - I know it didn't come from me this time; I would have never been so bold and brave.

Anxious here - ready, set, go.....click, click, click up we go.....

Decisions, Decisions....

Gigs and I have decided to proceed with E-Country, we think. Additionally, we're in the process of praying about a decision to perhaps seek same-sex siblings. We're reluctant to specify and then have that delay a referral, however for so many other reasons, it seems like a good idea. We could specify just one and then later reapply, however there are mandatory waiting periods between and then Gigs's age would be come more of a factor. Also, we were thinking that it would be a good opportunity to try to accomodate siblings since we anticipate they would be harder to place.

The agency we've been working with called today and indicated, based on the application we submitted on Friday, that we were tentatively approved. They did not discourage the idea of siblings, however did say that we'd have to make that decision at the time we sign our agreement. It will, of course, affect our fees and that needs to be covered in the agreement.

The agency also announced that they've been approved to sponsor an orphanage in the capital city and that once we would accept a referral, the child(ren) would be moved to that orphanage where the care is expected to be better and updates more dependable. This will also make our in-country travel less potentially dangerous and uncomfortable. I think Gigs and I were kinda' looking forward to that part, but then again, as parents, I suppose adventure should be set aside. I do hope that it does not circumvent any opportunity that may have existed to meet any extended family, something we know, in the long run, would likely mean so much to a child.

Say a prayer for God's will in the decisions we must make. Pray also for all of the children in orphanages all over the world, that they would be timely matched to their forever families and have the opportunity to grow up loved and cared for. Pray also for all of the caregivers and decisionmakers affecting the process all over the world. Pray for stabilization in Eastern Europe and that goings on there do not disrupt adoptions already in process.

E Country's Baaaack.....

Well, now I've discussed with another agency their E Country program which sounds very good. Kim (no Sara - beginning to think that's a good thing) indicated that our age should not be an issue, which is where I thought I had run into a snag. She said they officially start adjusting the minimum age of the child when a parent is 52 or older. Under that, we should be fine.

The WAIT times and costs are both probably half of Eastern Europe. With the IRS adoption credit of $11,650 - our net cost before travel could be just a couple thousand dollars (we've already spent a significant amount on the homestudy, the CIS approval, etc.) Travel is much less significant as only 1 trip is required and it should be less than 10 days, which will also save some money that can fund education or something important like that. Also, younger children are available, many of whom are truly orphaned. She said they can work with parents if they have a gender preference, but that the government in E Country requires that you be open to either gender.

I'll check out a webinar on Thursday evening, review their contract, investigate the agency, etc. before Gigs and I do anything. We did, of course, inquire about some of the waiting children on the photo listing, and I'll see what comes of that in the meantime, but some of the countries from which those children are available have very unproven adoption programs and most are in Eastern Europe where things are much more unstable right now.

Tooooooo Sloooooooooow....

Nobody seems to move at the pace I'd like them to, it seems. I was so excited about the new possiblity with some of the kids on precious.org and I've tried contacting the recommended agency personnel, etc. I have only received one acknowledgement from anyone and it said they'd be in touch within 48 hours. I've sent emails, I've left phone messages, etc. and nothing. It doesn't seem to offer much hope when you cannot even get a return call or email acknowledging your contact. We'll see...

In other news, I got to visit my friend at the hospital yesterday and see (and hear) the new little one through the window of the nursery. He's adorable and loud. That was exciting, and I'm so excited to see an adoption experience completed first hand when they bring their twin sons from Haiti in the next short period. They said they may need help getting them in Haiti since mommy just had major surgery. I would be honored to do that or anything else that will unite this family. Life's never boring when you have adventurous friends!

Baby News

YeaaaaaaaaaY! - The 5th member of my friends' family has arrived. He's healthy and safe, but had to be delivered by C-Section. This would normally not be that big of a deal, except that Mommy and Daddy are due to go to Haiti and pick up his twin 2-year old brothers. Pray for a full and quick recovery for Mommy, pray for continued good health for new Baby, and pray for God to guard the twins physically, emotionally and spiritually during their remaining time at the orphanage in Haiti. Also, pray for the smoothest possible transition for this family going from 2 to 5 overnight!

Gigs and I looked at some of the websites for waiting children, e.g. www.precious.org . This may just be the place we're supposed to search for our child. We've isolated about 5 babies from the site and have requested additional information. Most of the children have some special need - they could be part of a sibling group, they could have a physical or developmental disability ranging anywhere from minor to severe, they could be older, that kind of stuff.

The nice thing is that many different agencies, countries, children, etc. are represented and in some cases you have a picture to associate a face with the child. It's very powerful and motivating to see a child. Medical records will be made available for serious inquiries and we can have a specialist consult with us on the issues associated with some of the childrens' problems. We're definitely open to more minor, correctable physical problems. Of course, the children are still at risk for institutionalization effects and all the other exposures from their short little lives.

Pray for God to lead us to the exact place for the exact child that he has picked out for us.

Finally, some good things this week....

First and foremost, I'm overwhelmed with joy for some friends whose Haitian twins are finally coming home in the next couple of weeks, along with another big arrival hopefully tonight! Pray for safe and healthy arrivals for the kids.

Today I got home from work before Gigs, so I checked the mail - I really wasn't expecting it yet, but a package from CIS was in the mailbox. I hesitated in opening the envelope, said a few prayers, and pulled the flap back. We have been approved to adopt and were given a favorable determination by the US government. I guess Gigs' letter of explanation/remorse did the thing. I thought it would be ok, but you just never know.

The bad news is that war has broken out in the country from which we planned to try to adopt. US-R Country relations are strained at best right now. With that and our agency's recent adoptee death and subsequent investigation, things are not looking too good on that front. We'll see....

I spoke with a very nice woman who works in my GYN office today on the recommendation of my dentist's receptionist. She talked to me about her international adoption experience, recommended a couple of waiting children websites, and even had some additional insight into non-traditional adoption.

The one website is very interesting and you can see some of the children's pictures and read their brief profiles there; others I think you must email agencies for additional information. There are children from most of the adoption-friendly countries in the world. I'm hoping I just see a child that we might want to pursue and be led that way. Say a prayer for God's will!

Notification about Chesapeake baby

Hi TJ!
I finally got hold of Marcia, and she said that you did not make the final cut for that child. SORRY!! I don’t think you were what they were looking for, even though Tracye seemed optimistic about the possibilities before. I will continue to keep you in mind for any situation that may come across my desk. Your child is out there somewhere! Talk to ya soon.
M


Expected this answer, but just a sad day in general today.

Please pray for this baby, her foster parents, her adoptive parents, her birth parents, for the caseworkers and the board members in Ches Soc Serv as they all have had and will have such critical roles in her future. Pray for wisdom and for God's will, not some personal agenda to guide them.

Devastating news

I discussed with our local social worker the issues with our international agency this week and she agreed things are seriously unstable suddenly in Russia - between the invasion of Georgia, the related inevitable breakdown of US-Russia relations, the July death of the poor baby in Herndon (adopted through our agency in March), the agency's delayed reporting to Russia, the subsequent investigation, their new fee structure where they want a lot more non-refundable money up front, etc. It's not good news for us, not sure just how bad it is yet. We may have to change agencies, we may need to scrap totally the Russia plan, who knows. Say some prayers for the right decisions at this time.

Weekend with the kids

Gigs and I volunteered this weekend to facilitate at an overnight camp for grieving families. I am a regular volunteer with the Peace by Piece program, which is a support group for grieving kids. We meet twice per month, and we have the summer off, so it's really not a bad time commitment. I get so much out of participating there myself and have loved all the kids (OK most of them) I've had in group for the last 10 years. The group is a joint venture between Edmarc Hospice for Children and Jewish Family Services and the camp is put on by Edmarc. The kids have lost siblings or parents by every type of tragedy - illness, accident, suicide, etc. The parents are also provided opportunities to participate in adult groups focused on their children.

This was the first time Gigs participated in any direct activities with the children. He was wonderful as usual. Kids just love him.

For whatever reason, the demographics of the group were interesting, I thought. There was a high percentage of minority families and a significant number of multi-racial families, specifically. Many of the children I had not met. There were babies to snuggle, and toddlers with whom to giggle.

I felt in touch with one aspect of grief and it's been associated with this adoption process. Each time we've had a domestic opportunity arise, the infants, all four of them, have been bi-racial baby girls (two were twins). I tend to notice bi-racial little girls these days and wonder what all those other babies looked liked; the ones I loved before they were even born and for whom I have no faces to remember. I told Gigs several weeks ago that I was sad because I didn't have anything specific to put with my pain. I definitely feel grief and somehow it feels inappropriate, or at least complicated, when you've not even seen their faces. I wear pretty thin sometimes with the process seemingly failing time and time again and no where specific to focus the pain.

Another week goes by....

Today, I spent some time discussing the R Country program with the international agency we're working with. We have to go through some kind of physical examination in R Country that can cost upwards of $750 per person. I wanted to understand what that was all about. Also we received a package from them yesterday that talked about some contract/fee changes that will affect us. Right now, the fee we expect to pay in Russia is $21,500 - believe me there are alot of other costs, travel, state-side costs, homestudies, CIS/Visa stuff with US Govt, etc. The case was that you pay a $5000 deposit towards that amount when you receive and accept a referral. Well, now you pay the $5000 and it's non-refundable at the time you submit your dossier - that is before any R Country approval, referral, etc. They've also made one fully refundable program fee only 50% refundable - that's another $2000 of non-refundable costs. I'm feeling a bit iffy about this stuff and didn't get all that much of a warm feeling after talking to our facilitator.

Also, I didn't know it, but this agency had been embroiled in an investigation because one of their recent adoptees (3/2008) died in July after the adoptive father forgot that he had the child in the car and left the baby in there for 8 hours (presumably while he was at work). He discovered the baby was dead upon returning to the vehicle. First of all, let me say, it just makes me ill to think about this family and the pain they're going through. And, no, I cannot understand how this happens, but they need prayer for sure. Of course, this sparked all kinds of negative publicity for the agency and investigations by R Country and has delayed the processing of adoptions for a while. Apparently, the agency was cleared favorably and R Country appears to be moving forward with the applications again.

I don't want fear to guide our decisions about proceeding with an adoption, but I need to be realistic, too, about finances, and uncertainty.

Click, click, click..... the roller coaster starts upward.

We've also heard nothing about the baby in Chesapeake - I will contact CSS on Monday to determine the status since my agency hasn't heard a word either.

E Country Research

I've looked at some of the E Country Programs that some other agencies have and I do not anticipate that E will be a viable option for us. Their age requirements and referral times are not very conducive for our situation. That means we are really limited to R Country. I wasn't too excited about that conclusion, but I guess while looking for God's will, I have to look to the few open doors. I also need to trust him and stop trying to have my back-up ready to roll in each case.

I just sent off Gigs' information about his 1978 legal issue to the CIS along with his letter of explanation/remorse. I probably should have posted it and gotten some feedback from people. Our home study case worker did take a look at it and my parents did as well. They gave positive feedback, so hopefully it will satisfy CIS. That's really the critical next thing here - they must approve us and if not, we go nowhere outside the country for adoption - should hear in 10 days/2 weeks, we'll see - that's if they get our home study, which our caseworker said she'd send to me and then submit to CIS.

One week tomorrow

Well, the social worker indicated that they'd be staffing the placement within 2 weeks and that they'd inform our agency as to our inclusion or exclusion in the final selections - We have heard nothing so far. I really expect nothing to come of this situation, but we cannot totally write it off.

We are also sending off the final information to CIS to seek the approval for any international adoption. The only issue I'm struggling with now is whether to change the country we listed now or wait. It could cost more than $300 to change it again if we change it to R Country now and then change it to E Country afterward. We may be able though to change it now since they've not adjudicated and approved, and then change it one more time without the fee - just not sure at this point. I guess it's not that big of a deal - just seems like a waste of money and the costs are already exorbitant enough.

Time for Bold Moves

First and foremost, for anyone who reads this blog, please take something into prayer right away. A friend of a friend had a child placed from birth with her and her husband and now it appears the birthfather from jail may contest the adoption. This would be completely unexpected and is heart-wrenching, an adoptive parent's worst nightmare. Pray for Chris to be strong through this period and maintain her faith and be comforted by God, pray for the baby whose life could be completely turned upside down and not in a good way, and pray for the birthfather to first, reconsider and allow the baby to grow up in a 2-parent home where drugs are not destroying the parents' lives or second, that he will have found God and that he will be convicted by God to raise this baby in a Christian home.

Today, I made the call. I called Chesapeake Social Services directly. I found a number for the supervisor of the caseworker assigned to work the 3-month old baby placement. Remarkably I heard back from the supervisor in just a short while. I explained to her that we were not receiving return phone calls from the case worker and wanted to make sure we had the opportunity to present some race bias-specific information prior to any eliminations. We also wanted to find out what the process and the timeframes looked like for this scenario. She indicated that they had not "staffed" the placement yet, which is where apparently, in committee they narrow the decision to several families. After which, there may be interviews or additional consideration given and then a decision made.

I told her that we wanted to share three factors that might keep us from being excluded:

1. We have a multi-racial extended family.
2. We're open to establishing relationships with birth family members, black and/or white.
3. We'd seek out opportunities to explore AA heritage and be intentional about connecting with the local AA community.

She seemed to take the information well and said she'd record it in our file to be considered in the "staffing" process. She said they'd be meeting in the next 2 weeks and that they'd notify our agency either way about their decision.

The chances are still slim, but the door is not totally closed on this situation yet. I feel better just knowing what their approach and timeframes are. I let our agency know that I did this and hopefully that goes over ok with them. They're trying, it's just that I had a friend of a friend who had the experience and contact information.

On the international front, PA said that they sent the report we've been waiting on last week, so I hope it will be there today or tomorrow when I get home. We have to finalize our response to CIS quickly and change countries with them to see if we'll pass the test for R Country or any other country for that matter.

Call from the R Country Counselor

I spoke today with the R Country counselor about the R Country program. They indicated that they would apply the $1150 fees we already paid to the agency to the new program and that we would not have to pay these amounts again. That's at least promising considering the total cost from start to finish is estimated to be $40-45,000. She indicated that the in-country fee for an infant girl 9-18 months right now is $21,500 - that's an amount that you basically get no receipt for and that you pay in cash in country. Of course, there's costs we've already paid for such as the home study, the application to CIS to petition for an unnamed orphan, etc. And there is the tax credit of over $11,000 to help offset some of the costs. The money is not the issue for me - we can make it happen, it's the principle of the thing. I've heard people refer to it as baby ransom and that's what it feels like - not sure how comfortable I am with that. I guess I have to look at it in light of this is an obstacle over which someone has to climb to save one of these institutionalized children. I just sometimes feel like part of the problem by paying it - it's that supply and demand thing. I just wish that the money that all of these people pay for the 1000s of children adopted from R Country benefited the children left behind in the orphanages - I don't think to a significant extent that happens. Too much corruption.....

The other information she provided me was that for a baby girl wait times right now run about 8-12 months between dossier submission and referral. There're then 3 trips over with an average of 6-8 weeks between the first & second and 10 days between the second and third - I think we'd try to stay through the 2nd and 3rd - depending on the time of year I could stay through the whole time. The first trip would be 7-10 days, then home for 2-12 weeks, back for 7-10 days, home for 10 days or so, then back to pick up baby, come home, live happily ever after, hopefully.

We are still waiting for Chuck at the Pennsylvania Access and Review office to respond to our request for court disposition papers - I sent on 6/26, he said they received on 7/3 and I still haven't received their response which I need to supply to CIS to move forward. Our homestudy will also be supplied as well as the explanation/apology/remorse letter from Gigs and we will change from K Country to R Country with them. Then we wait hopefully 2 weeks or less to receive CIS approval. The dossier is put together and sent for translation. Then it's submitted to R Country and we wait for approval and referral. Hopefully there's an approval quickly and then you wait for the referral. Perhaps the economic conditions in the US will slow the demand and the times will improve - I'm not sure that is a good thing to wish for - I'll have to think about it. One huge difference with the R Country program is that you do receive the child's profile, pics, possibly video, and medical records for evaluation before accepting. With K-Country you had no idea what child might be yours until you arrived in country and they presented 2-5 at which time you had to choose. This might make the waiting more difficult, but could make it seem more real, too.

I must continue on this path for now, we'll see whether this is where we end up in the end, finding our family one way or another. It's interesting to think that 1 year from now we could be home with the new member of our family - I don't think it could happen much faster than that.

Back to work.....

Pessimism....

Well, I had the blog about the optimism, now it's time for the pessimism. After speaking with someone familiar with Chesapeake SS, I feel like the possibility of adopting the baby presented is slim to none. There's definitely an operating edict at the service to place bi-racial children with families who are either biracial or AA. And, it sounds like the M.O. may be to collect the homestudy of white families and then wait until they get a family of color willing to do the adoption. It sounds like an issue at the top of the organization and not with the caseworkers involved.

I don't know if sharing information about the biracial members of our family or our personal experiences or intentions about how we can incorporate experiences in our lives that would allow exploration and embracing of the AA heritage will be possible.

I guess I'll have to put the unfinished afghan away again...

For the curious...

We've heard nothing yet. I take it that means that the Chesapeake Social Services Case worker has not contacted our agency. It's getting old now. I really expected to hear something, anything. I just want to know what their process will be and when we might expect to hear something.

I'm trying to focus on work and get some stuff done. I'm glad we have gel group tonight, that way I will not be just sitting around waiting.

People can be so cruel without even realizing it. I know that this person in Chesapeake is probably good at what she does, but I don't think she realizes how rude her lack of communication really is. I don't mean to be dramatic, but our whole lives could be turned upside down on a moment's notice (for the better, of course), but it would be nice to know what to expect. Also, we could be devastated again by bad news and the anticipation of that is only quelled by prayer and faith in God that he knows the big picture.

Thanks, Lord, for this hope and this opportunity....we really, truly are grateful despite how my whining sounds above...

Optimism?

I waited as long as I could today and then checked in with our agency. The people there are really looking out for us and I so appreciate their care and sensitivity. The director is in and our social worker is out for the week, so I wanted to see if there was any chance that they crossed wires and found something out and didn't have a chance to get back with me. That, of course, wasn't the situation.

The director said that they are optimistic about the situation and that the situation is different than the last 2 domestic situations in that the baby is already here, therefore the waiting cannot go on. They don't know the case worker in Chesapeake very well at all though and are not sure what it means that she's not returning their call yet.

I asked whether they'd ever heard anything from Sara and they said they had not. It's so hard for me not to share with them that I know and that she's decided to parent her child, but it's for the best.

Anyway...for now we wait....

Anxiety

I don't feel so good today. I've been sick for almost 2 weeks anyway. I'm crampy and grumpy and tear-y, anyway....then at Church today I bawled the whole way through the service as our pastor and the founder of our very unique Christian worship experience communicated his inability to ignore God calling him to Las Vegas. I understand what he's saying and I'm supportive of the decision, but I am just overwhelmingly saddened by the announcement. He won't be leaving until after the first of the year, but he'll have lots of preparation to be ready to go and I'm sure they'll be transitioning a new pastor in, etc. This is just not a change I was looking forward to. There are a few others in my life I wait and wait for and they don't seem to come....

I feel almost debilitated today with emotion. I need to go do something physical to work off some of the icky feelings, but it's hot and humid and I still don't feel that great...I need to stop whining and go do it - so I'm going to sign off.

The long quiet weekend...

I emailed our social worker on Friday to see if she knew anything more about Chesapeake's process or timeframes or next steps or anything for that matter. She said that she left a message at noon for the caseworker and never heard back on Friday.

She said the baby was taken at birth and that she's been in foster care since, and that parental rights are already terminated. She said they had profiles on some other families but that they were in northern VA and the agency was looking to place closer here. Apparently, there's a sister (perhaps half) and I'm not sure who has custody of her. The other issue that seemed determining was the bias that the baby be exposed to her African American heritage. I'm not sure how that will impact the decision process.

We'll know nothing until Monday at the earliest and our social worker's in Toronto for the week. Her counterpart and the director of the service and a volunteer colleague of mine will be handling the contact. Needless to say, we're anxious to hear anything...

Says it all

"In this [God's great mercy] you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
I Peter 1:6-7

Not so good news, good news, better news

The not so good news is that we have been told that adopting from Kazakhstan is out of the question because of a 30 year old underage drinking arrest, crazy, but true.

The good news is that the Russian Program director thinks that we can still qualify for the Russia program and we received our Russia Adoption Guide yesterday. I'm still waiting for the court disposition papers from PA to be able to respond to the CIS. That's starting to get old, but perhaps there's another reason....

The better news is that our local social worker called yesterday to get permission to submit our profile and homestudy for consideration for another adoption scenario. There is a 3 month old biracial baby girl in Chesapeake Social Services' custody apparently and they need to place the child quickly. I gave permission and have absolutely no idea where it goes from here, but I do know it won't be long before we hear something one way or the other. It might be a very long weekend.

I literally got on my knees last night and thanked God for everything in my life and for this new glimmer of hope. I feel weird asking for this specifically and shared that with him as well, but asked that his will be clear to me with regard to some of these decisions and situations.

Please pray for Gigs and me through yet another possibility, that our hearts would be protected and that we'd keep the faith through any additional challenges or disappointments.

Waiting and wondering.....

Well, I've submitted all of the criminal background info we could gather, to our agency. CIS and the FBI show Gigs' 30-year old charges, nothing else shows anywhere including local, Pennsylvania courts, etc. We're waiting for the access and review record from the PA State Police so that we can provide that as court disposition to CIS, along with our long-form homestudy that will have to address it, and a letter of expalanation/remorse from Gigs. Then we will await CIS approval - once we have that we can change countries, if necessary (for a fee except for the first time), but it's critical we achieve this approval to be allowed to adopt internationally from ANY country. The delays are disappointing as I had really hoped that things would work to travel and come home with our child during my next hiatus from my big project. As time goes by, that's very unlikely. I'm not too concerned about the timing, I understand that that is in God's hands. It all is and I ask that you pray for my will to align with His.

Still seeking....

We are still awaiting a decision about proceeding with K-Country adoption. At this time, we have received the FBI record back from the fingerprint request and the charges and the disposition of the case were listed on their files. I'm waiting for the access and review record from the PA state police to provide CIS with the court disposition. The courts themselves returned a letter saying no record. We've worked on a letter of explanation/remorse and anticipate that it will satisfy CIS sufficiently to gain approval for international adoption. The real issue is whether or not K-Country will permit an adoption with one 30-year old "conviction" for underage drinking and dismissed charges for contributing to the delinquency of minors and running a speak-easy (whatever....). If that's not going to happen, then we're consulting with our agency's facilitators about transferring us to their R-Country program. We must just wait and see what decisions will be necessary. Nothing has been decided at this time.

Originally, we had preferred the K-Country program over R-Country because of the general health of the children in K-Country. It's a more traditional asian culture with some muslim influence and therefore the children tend to be at lower risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and drug related problems.

On a good note, my foreign language lessons will not go to waste.

I considered checking on Poland again for adoption; it would be nice with the connections and cultural familiarity we have with that country, but there are so few children adopted from there each year, we really have no resources here to assist in that undertaking.

I'm praying for direction and forward progress and would ask you to do the same. As always, please pray for all of the children waiting in orphanages for their forever families while we adults complicate the process to a point that risks their lives and emotional and mental health.

Not looking good....

Things are not looking good right now on our quest to adopt from K-Country. I'm almost certain we're going to have to change programs. I talked to the PA police today trying to hunt down court disposition papers for Gigs' 1978 issue. The access and review officer told me that the FBI has the information available to them. That means the report will come back with the charges listed and that will pretty much seal the fate for the K-Country program.

Gigs is having a hard time dealing with this process sometimes. I know that he is defensive out of upset and not true anger and that he hates that he's not able to "give me what I want", but if he could just say that instead it would be most helpful. I need to reassure him that we're ok whatever happens, just like I have to be ok with God no matter what happens, but I'm not doing a good job of that either, especially when he gets angry and says things are ridiculous or stupid. I realize they are ridiculous and stupid, but it's what we're stuck with and it changes nothing to act incredulous at these issues. I feel like he just wants to throw his hands up and quit and that is not what I want to hear from him. We've had 3 disappointments so far and I feel like when it works out then that will be where God has led us. I'm certainly not willing to quit yet. Things worth having are worth fighting for. I just wish sometimes I didn't feel like I was all alone on the battlefront. Don't misunderstand, it's not that he's not interested in this working out, etc., it's that it's hard in many ways, mostly emotionally, and it would be easier not to face the tough stuff. He's also being put upon by many people and feeling completely unappreciated and under-rewarded. "My stuff" just adds to what's already there, not a good place for "my stuff" if I am to be honest, on top of all the other crap.

Rough times - Bumpy Ride

I'll tell you - it's amazing how things can change in an instant. Gigs and I were fingerprinted a while back by DHS - Customs & Immigration Bureau to be approved for international adoption. I was fairly certain that we were good to go. Well, we received a letter over the weekend requesting court disposition papers and a letter of explanation for charges Gigs experienced 30 years ago when he was 19. He and some buddies at college decided to throw a party - the drinking age was 21 in PA then. They got busted for under-age drinking and for contributing to the delinquency of minors because there were some people there under 18. On top of that, they tried to make some kind of case that they were running a speak easy (What year was this, 1929? no 1978.) Most of this was thrown out and they each paid a fine. Anyway, this could be sufficient to completely derail our K-country plan. They are very strict and you can have zero record including any charges that were dismissed. The agency advised that we needed to send Gigs' fingerprints off with a request letter to the FBI to see if it will show up there. If it does, we're pretty much done and must move on to another program. We also have to get the documents for CIS and handle thing strategically in our home study (long and short version). Also, we may be limited in the region of the country that we'll be able to adopt; don't understand that one yet.

Say a prayer that things are resolved favorably - this seems silly, but it really is very serious - the next 2-3 weeks is going to be a long period without knowing.

Been a While....

Well, it's been a while since I posted. We have made some progress on our adoption journey since, but not that much. We've met with our social worker to expand our home study for international purposes. We've submitted our application to adopt to DHS - Customs & Immigration Bureau. We've received their appointment times and gotten our fingerprints taken at their offices. My friend, Amy, has become a notary public so that she can notarize all of our various docs that will have to be notarized. We've sent our registration package in to the international agency. I've met with 2 women who've adopted from K Country, I've ordered the Rosetta Stone Course for beginning Russian. And, I'm reading other successful families' stories so that I can glean from them anything that has hung them up for any length of time.

I did learn already that two issues could present themself as problems. One, the deed to our house is in my name only; it sound like we need to quickly get that remedied and add Gigs to the deed. Two, I haven't changed my name officially to Gigs' last name and there's some inconsistencies between things that may cause confusion. I must discuss with our new Sara what to do about all of that. That affects health insurance, home ownership, background checks, passports, etc. We'll see. If I need to I can get it all remedied fairly quickly, it just may cost us some bucks. I like my last name better than his, but it's really just been laziness more than anything that has prevented me from making the formal change everywhere.

That's pretty much the update for now - I ask all who read this to do the most important thing and pray for us and our journey; and more importantly, for all the children in orphanages all over the world. Thanks.

From Mother's Day to Jessica's Birthday

May is always a bit difficult. One year Mothers' Day and Jessica's birthday fell on the same exact day. I had also had a relationship end the month before that year. That was a fun day, fun year.

My husband was unusually grumpy this morning, as I ordered him around and insisted that he go and get his fingerprints done and get a paper notarized for our international adoption process. Can't imagine why.....

We were both not having the best of mornings.... He tried to soften a bit after I announced that it was Jessica's birthday and I was having a hard enough day. Probably shouldn't have pulled that card out, but maybe he needed to understand why I was being a bit overly focused on our adoption process and feeling a bit frantic about getting things done.

Mothers' Day

Another Mothers' Day has come and gone and I tried not to focus too much on my feelings, worries, and concerns. I tried to focus on my mom and others I know who are soon-to-be mothers or waiting adoptive mothers.

I did, somewhat selfishly, decline volunteer work on Sunday. The kids hospice that I do work for was sponsoring an art festival in Portsmouth, all the benefit of which will be for the hospice. I did a couple of hours on Wednesday packing bags for the artists and unloading vehicles to the festival headquarters. I felt somewhat weird not participating over the weekend, but I was busy on Saturday and didn't know exactly what I was going to feel up for on Sunday. Part of me was saying go do this in lieu of feeling sorry for yourself and part of me was saying, let it go, be kind to yourself and don't overcommit. I'm not very good at saying no.

People were generally kind and included me in Mothers' Day wishes, but I really don't feel like a mom right now and I hope by next year, this time, I do, I am, or at least, I have a commitment and path to motherhood.

I also wanted to say that I'm very grateful for the mother I was given by God. I shared with her stories of some of my friends who had been berated by their mothers for not properly sending wishes for Mothers' Day. My mom was very gracious and appreciative telling me that she had received my card. I sent the card and called, so I got double props.

Scary Stuff

I just have to say out loud that I really have no control over what's going to happen and I accept that. I've been struggling with accepting God's will if it turns out we never become parents (again). That's a difficult pill for me to swallow, but if it doesn't happen, I assume there will be something big planned. And I don't mean something like having colon cancer or something where everyone will say, oooh, it was a good thing you all didn't get any of those babies... I know I'm paranoid and a bit cynical these days.

K-Country's adoption program is far less stable than it was a while back. So many of our options are coming off of the table. It gets a bit unnerving. Not sure what we would pursue if not K-Country, we'll have to explore that with our agency. I'm hoping to have some answers and direction in the next couple of weeks. I'm anxious to move on it, whatever it is. I've initiated paperwork at the Immigration office, and we've met with our local agency to update our home study for international purposes. The immigration application clock will not start ticking until we submit the updated home study to them. We may have to do some on-line training courses as well; must check on that yet. I must stay busy....that's when I feel ok - it's when I stop that it doesn't feel so great.