Say a prayer

Fellow prospective adoptive parents (PAPs), like us, are waiting for their referral as well. They checked in with our agency via email and the response received indicated that they are "working on finding kids and matching them with families." This sounds far more nebulous than just 3 weeks ago and the message that we received saying they have 7 specific children identified for the [4] waiting families and will be validating paperwork and presenting referrals. Pray that we all receive our referrals soon and that agency personnel would communicate with their E Country staff and with us so that we truly know the status; if something has changed for the negative, pray for God to give us the strength to deal with that and the hope to move forward.

Beautiful Pictures of E Country and its People

Exponential Anxiety

As the weeks go by [since news that we would hear from our agency with our referral "within the next few weeks"], excitement and anxiety have built. That news lifted me up with hope and excited me for the first two weeks - I did not feel so anxious. Anxiety started getting the better of me this third week - it wreaks havoc on my concentration and focus at work. I try to work but am drawn constantly back to email, blogs, yahoo groups, etc. I am obsessively and compulsively checking everything - I have had impatient feelings about people whose blogs I follow - I think, "ENTERTAIN ME, if nothing else!!! Why haven't you blogged?" I'm looking at blogs I haven't looked at for a while and that can prove to be a treasure trove of new posts for me to peruse or it can be that they have been too busy to update their blog and I think "Thanks alot!" I'm out here with anxiety and I need to read about your life - about your trips to E Country; about the beautiful little ones you've added to your family; about the realities of your new life as compared to your expectations.... For anyone who's been through this, tell me I'm justifiably but temporarily insane at the moment, and that I will return to normal sometime soon.

In news from the agency this week, we received a reminder about the post-placement reporting that's required for each country and a note that our case worker is off on Monday. I guess that means I can put crazy to bed until Tuesday?

E Country Time, Needles, and Mo' Money Mo' Money

I checked in with our agency on Friday, just in case there was an oversight and they actually had some news for us (LOL). I was basically told that we're on E-Country time now; and that we should "just hold on and the perfect kids will be ready for us". I sorta' set myself up for some news coming by the 15th and that didn't happen, so I guess I'll move my date out to the end of February for now and try to readjust my patience meter. It could happen any day now....that is the great part and the hard part.

I consulted with Passport Health today and got the rest of the immunizations I needed for our upcoming travel to E-Country. I got a flu shot, too - unfortunately that was about 3 weeks too late. The appointment and shots today cost a whopping $460! That was just for me - Gigs hasn't even gone yet. My plan was to go do the consult, get all the information including cost and then see if we could get him taken care of for less at our GP - that might not work since only "certified" clinics can provide the Yellow Fever vaccine. Well, we'll see - there might be some money to be saved somewhere along the way.

I'm going to have to move my arms around alot to keep them from getting sore - that's a lot to subject both arms to! Thank goodness I did my cardio kickboxing class before the shots....

In honor of Valentines Day

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/02/080212-flowers-video-ap.html

Just click on the link above to see very interesting information about the Rose Industry in E Country.

Busy, Busy, Busy

This is usually the time that I have a break from work and get caught up on all the stuff I put off until this period. I don't have that luxury this year since I took on additional work for this first quarter of the year. I'm glad for the work and the busy-ness, but I really wonder how I'll get everything done sometimes. The project I'm working on isn't really great for the flexibility I specified in negotiations for the terms of our arrangement. There's much to be done, deadlines looming, and stressed out management, but overall things have been going well. I have another small project that I need to jump on and knock out as well. I think I'm going to insist and take a full day this week and one next week to work on the second project, so that I can have one less thing to weigh on my nerves.

In addition to all this wonderful work, I'm participating in the 10-week challenge at the gym that requires a minimum of 3 visits per week (including at least one class), journalling food intake, etc. This must be a priority - I am about to have two new little responsibilities and I have to be in the best shape I can muster up in the next couple of months. Thanks to the flu I've had some moderate success there on the weight loss; unfortunately it's also set me back on lung capacity and energy level, but I'm on the road back.

For the adoption, there are still some things we need to be working on - we need to do tax returns and get our immunizations for our travel to E Country and some of those are series of shots, so we need to move on that asap. We also need to select an international adoption pediatrician to evaluate our referral which is expected to come anyday now. We expect to accept our referral and trust that God has done the decision making for us, but I suppose we should still do our due dilligence to be best prepared and have no surprises.

It's going to be a very exciting time these next 6 months - I am so grateful for the hope that this period holds, even for all the fear and trepidation that comes with it. It's time to focus on God, our marriage, our health, all the wonderful relationships in our lives and NOT all the busy-ness - it will all get done - it always does.

Ode to Speedy's.....

I just went out at lunch to try to listen to an adoption radio program about accepting referrals/birth mother matches and decided that I'd go to my old favorite - Speedy Gonzales on Tidewater Drive. 20 years ago, there were 3 locations of the infamous taco joint. I remember fondly, 1988, I was working for a local CPA and had to be to work after morning classes before 11 AM - Everyday on my way from school, I would stop at Speedy's (the only place open at 10:30 am for lunch) and order exactly the same thing - A beef burrito, extra cheese, hot peppers and onions and a small chip and dip. That's 50 weeks X 5 days per week - yeah.....250 beef burritos that year and, of course, the accompanying chips & dip to boot. Add a 7-11 bran muffin and coffee to the day and that was pretty much my nutrition for the whole year. I was not eating dinner at all at the time. I lost 30 lbs that year in, I'm sure, the most healthy of manners. These days, Speedy's is a rare treat I indulge in and as this is day 8 of my flu bug - I was feeling like a treat.

Sadness overwhelmed me as I walked through the door, saw the new paint job and an unfamiliar man behind the counter. I clung to hope - perhaps he would carry on with the same menu, suppliers, processes, etc. I placed the order and knew it would never be the same. It was the worst - the chips were burnt, the hot sauce was sweeter than sugar, the burrito was dry and cold, even the hot peppers and onions were foreign. Why, Why, Why would you change a formula that worked? The place will be gone in 6 months I'm sure.

I came back to the office and I immediately called my husband to share my grief. I told him that I was sad and grieving, that "They" sold Speedy Gonzales and that it was gone, never to be the same again. He misunderstood me at first, thought I said they sold Baby Gonzales and wanted to know who Baby Gonzales was. After laughing until I nearly choked, I clarified and he too then shared my disappointment in losing this icon restaurant. If only we had known, we could have at least made a special trip for our final meal...

At this time in my life, when I've been waiting and praying for certain changes for so long, the only thing that seems to change are the things I hoped would remain the same forever.

Influenza-Day 5 and Steeler Superbowl!

I think I should be the poster child for the flu vaccine; nuff said. I feel somewhat better today as my fever's down under 100. Gigs and Little Gigs are in Pittsburgh for the big game and I cancelled my flight Friday night. So while the whole fam clan is having a blast at the rented vacation house, I'm home alone and sad - not quite the way to celebrate the Steelers making it to the Superbowl!

As bad as I have felt, I know it doesn't compare to the pain and agony some other people, even little children are dealing with on an ongoing basis - say a prayer with me for little Abby (See the button on the right to link to her family's blog) and for Baby Bear. Click on his name for an update by the family hosting him in the States.