State Dept recognizes some movement

The US State Dept has posted that there is official word that adoptions of children abandoned in the capital city who were at one of three government-run orphanages will be heard at the Court. This is far from a total lift of the ban, but certainly seems like movement in the right direction. I so hope things can be resolved quickly and that the families whose cases were not heard last week will be rescheduled for the very near future. And, that the next round of referrals can be sent out.

Piecing together information from various sources, it sounds like the children our agency has referred all came from one government orphanage in the area of the Capital City called Asco which I believe is in the Kolfe-Keranio Subcity. I searched high and low on the internet to see if I could find any list of government orphanages in the capital city and had no luck. I also searched and searched to see if I could find any specific information about the orphanage with which I think our in-country coordinator cooperates; I have a name, but it's very common. I had no luck. I do know, based on what the author, Melissa Fay Greene, says there are hole-in-the-wall orphanages all over the place.

Our State-side Country coordinator has been on vacation all week, so noone's been able to specifically ask about the name and affiliations of the orphanage(s). I am hopeful that the orphanage is a government orphanage based on previous communication from the agency.

Pray for continued resolution and a lifting of the ban!

Times of Uncertainty

The news from E Country is so confusing. One minute we hear the ban is lifted; one minute it is clear that this is not the case. I don't know about other prospective adoptive parents, but I search and search and wait and wonder when will the news break? I sit and try to piece together every piece of information available and try to come up with the likely truth. I cling to the things that I want to hear. For example, anything that indicates something may break with the ban gets far more weight than those things that do not support this conclusion. News that the E Country government is considering foregoing the 2-month rainy season court (closure late summer/early autumn) falls on welcome ears, regardless of the unknown reliability of the source. Is there danger in such thinking and emotional response? I don't know, but for now it is what carries me along. Nothing I would have done, should have done or not done will make it any easier if the program in E Country closes. For now, I stay busy (very busy), I pray, I trust, I commune with others similarly challenged, and I hope!

Please Lord, squash the Devil's attempt to keep these families separated!

Sad, Sad Day

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions. With all the confusing news coming out of E Country, I was up and then down, and then just not sure where to go with my feelings. Then at lunchtime I talked with my mom and she told me that my Aunt Ellen had died over night. My Aunt Ellen is an amazing person and although she'd been through a couple bouts of Lymphoma, and had been on oxygen full time, she had a very active life. She was the light of all family gatherings. She had the most amazing sense of humor; even through her chemotherapy she had the nurses rolling. She was a stong, sometimes stubborn, and always independent woman. She was an awesome friend, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and so much more. I am so sad to think that she will not be there in my hometown when I visit. Gigs and I spent Thanksgiving with the whole family at the apartment complex she just moved to in the fall. My other aunt, Shirley also lives there and we had a huge feast and, as a family, completely filled the community room; it was a very joyous occasion. I'm glad we had that family reunion, as this year's Rhine reunion will not be the same without Aunt Ellen. My mom and Aunt Ellen were the only living sisters of the twelve siblings and although fairly close to complete opposites in personality, they shared an amazing bond. I always remember my mom saying that Aunt Ellen was their father's answer to his desire to have a baseball team - they had 8 brothers and Aunt Ellen was the 9th player. All the children loved Aunt Ellen, I'm so sad that she will not be there when our children come home.

I'm just sad - thank God for the Golden Girls - I'm viewing a marathon.

Link to updated information about E Country adoption

Follow along, if you want, as we await the outcome of the investigations into possible corruption in abandonment cases in E Country.

http://www.ethioadoptionnews.blogspot.com

Peace amidst the chaos

I haven't felt much like blogging the last couple weeks, not sure why. I guess repeating messages that there's been no news gets a bit boring. Even worse is when there's news that might have negative ramifications.

A week ago Friday, the E Country adoption courts stopped hearing cases involving children who were abandoned in the capital city. There was suspicion that corruption has influenced the number of children abandoned in the city. It sounds, from all accounts, like there is some ability to isolate the offendors, but in the meantime all adoptions for children abandoned in the city are on hold until the investigation is completed. Our agency has informed us that it is not associated in any way with the orphanages under investigation, but we are all, nonetheless, impacted. Fellow adopters who accepted referrals and await their court dates are understandably concerned about delays or worse. The rainy season court closures approach and rules tend to be amended during that period each year. The agency also reported that they are holding referrals for four children they had planned to refer until the investigation is complete. We've had no indication that our referral was among them, but we're number one in a couple categories. It's sad for the families who wait, but the jeopardy that this puts the orphans of E Country in is heart-wrenching.

I am feeling pretty peaceful about things for us, but my heart aches for the kids and for my friends who worry about their May court dates. Pray for a quick resolution of the issues, for God to protect the hearts and minds of all the innocents in this situation, and for justice for those who jeopardize so many for personal gain.

May 14

Well, May 14 has come and gone. May 14 is Jessica's (my daughter's) birthday. It's hard to believe that I'm 44 years old and my baby would be 27 today. Interestingly enough, there was a young IT auditor working on my project this week. Her name is Jessie - I asked her a few days ago if her full name was Jessica and she confirmed it was true. I told her that Jessica was my daughter's name and that she had died when she was almost 4. A few days later she said, "Tomorrow is my birthday!" I said, "You're birthday is May 14?" She said, "Yes"; I said "Year?" She said, "1982". I shared with her that not only did she have the same name, but that she was born on the same exact day and year of my daughter. I offered to take her to Chucky Cheese for her birthday lunch today, but, after much joking, we decided that might be a little much.

Today was also the memorial service for Danny, see below. It's been a pretty emotionally exhausting couple of weeks.

Happy Birthday, Jessica.

Hope and Mother's Day

I searched my blog for Mother's Day entries from last year and was reminded of one of the harder Mothers' Days I'd had in many years. Mother's Day was May 12, I believe, two days before Jessica's birthday and just a few weeks after we'd learned that the expectant mother we were working with on a domestic adoption gave birth and decided to parent without so much as a phone call to us or the agency. I remember intentionally saying no (those who know me, know that's not easy for me) to a request for me to volunteer on that day at the Gosport Art Festival here in our area, which benefits a children's hospice with which I volunteer. I wasn't sure just how I'd feel that day and in the interest of self-care, did not overcommit myself.

I'm feeling better at this time this year, albeit not as good as I'd like to be feeling. As we wait.....and wait......and wait.....for things to happen with the adoption, fears sneak in (about it never happening, about being able to handle all that it will bring, etc.) and those fears have to be dealt with and squashed through sheer faith that God has his plan, that he would not put this on our hearts for naught and that if we rely on him, we will be able to do anything! In seeking God's will, sometimes it's hard to discern it - with regard to orphans and adoption, I don't think there's any doubt that he approves. I trust that he is working behind the scenes and bringing his plan to fruition. I cannot tell you how hopeful that makes me and how excited I am to see that plan unveiled.....finally! Thank you, Lord, for mothers in general, my mother specifically, the new mothers I've met during this adoption process, and for motherhood to come....so many blessings in that statement.

Our agency sent us a link to a UTube slide show that showed adoptive children (alone) and then each child with his or her mother after adoption - we even have some beautiful representation from the E-Country program.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTVgIiKsRjg

Celebration!

Check out my blog roll and go to see the first child to come home through our Agency's E Country program at Our Daughter from E Country - you'll figure it out, I'm sure. She's so beautiful and precious in her E Country ceremonial attire. We're just thrilled that things are moving forward with others in our Agency; it gives us great hope that our process will go well once we're matched with children.

Good Advice from our caseworker

In adoption, as in most of life, we can prepare ourselves, open our hearts, and God pretty much does the rest. As I say this, I do not make light of the hardships that accompany adoption -- those of the child or birth parents or adoptive parents. The path is not easy or clear. I cannot think of anything more emotionally rigorous than adoption.

When adoption is difficult, it is good to ask, what am I learning from this test of strength and faith? There is no universal answer; we each have our own journey and when adoption plays a role in our lives, it challenges our beliefs, expectations and endurance. I urge families to meditate, to find an inner peace that will help you stay centered and withstand the turbulence around you.

Every family's adoptive journey has been buffeted by politics and the winds of change -- those who completed and those who are still waiting. Read biographies of people you admire who suffered hardship. There are things to learn. While I cannot say adoption has caused me to achieve serenity ~ I know that underlying the moment (those moments seem to last for years, honestly) somewhere there is a calm space for me to retreat to, when pain and frustration overwhelms me. Find that place -- and visit, often.

Let your mind go, time go, goals and expectations go, tension go, pain go. If you can't find that space, get a massage. I think maybe massage should be part of adoptive parent preparation; massage and meditation. The Hague Convention forgot to mandate that, but let's be innovative. Take good care of yourself.

Being Number One and Missing Danny

I haven't blogged for a while, there's really no news to report on the adoption front. A week ago Friday, we received our monthly status update for April from our agency - it says we are #1 for children and #1 for siblings with our agency within the age range specified. I don't think you can get any more #1 than that, so we're very hopeful that things will fall into place shortly. Our agency had their second family travel this past week to pick up a beautiful baby girl. They posted pictures of the other children at the orphanage and that's always lots of fun. I was able to stare at the sib group referenced in the previous post some more. They certainly are on my heart; I will be very grateful to hear of the match with their forever family.

A dear friend died Friday morning and there've been several other bad news type things this week. On top of that, as a grief support group facilitator for children, a couple of times a year we do in-service training to develop our tools for the group. We watched a movie about terminally ill people in hospice who then die and we went through an exercise to remind us of some of the struggles "our" families go through when they've experienced the death of a loved one. It was very powerful, but on top of all the other emotional activities of the week, a bit overwhelming.

The friend who died, Danny, was one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He had an amazing heart for others. He was diagnosed with throat cancer over a year and a half ago and I've never known anyone to handle his situation with more dignity and grace. Danny would go out of his way to help everyone around him and even after surgeries, etc. he was trying to carry things to my car and insisting on doing for ME. When he couldn't eat which was one of his greatest pleasures in this life, he still prepared amazing meals and loved to serve and entertain his family and friends. We spent many holidays with Danny and Eva, his love with whom he shared his last 5 years, and one of my best friends. Eva has advocated for Danny tirelessly over the last couple of years and even woke every two hours to check on him for the last several months. She was selfless in her love and care for him and she will miss him terribly. I know that Danny's experience in Heaven exceeds anything he ever loved here on Earth - I imagine him with the wind in his face driving a boat, playing golf, enjoying all the foods and fellowship he enjoyed, and TALKING about Chicago sports teams and anything else. We miss you, Danny!