Limbo

Alas, apparently we continue our wait. I heard from our caseworker and she said that she's been regularly in touch with the in-country coordinator and that he wanted her to pass along that he is indeed working on our case, but that he has not identified siblings in our requested age range as of yet. She recommended holding on a while longer before refining our stated preferences. I asked her to make sure that he is aware that we are open to hearing from him his observations and opinions - he is the one there in E Country, in the orphanages.

And.....we wait.....

I feel appropriately reprimanded

I am far from perfect and I have much to learn; this was a good reminder:

http://www.haskinsadoption.wordpress.com/2009/02/26/save-us-from-a-selfish-adoption/

4 months (well 23 years and 4 months)

Today if you check the counter at the bottom of the page is 120 days that we've had our paperwork in E Country and that we've been waiting for a referral. We had a close call in late January/early February where the agency thought they might have something for us, but then were unable to move forward because of lacking documentation from what I have gleened. Yesterday I posted about being encouraged to broaden our request and then today I was told that it was best to just hold on with our request the way it is. It's hard to know how to handle things, especially because we're not dealing directly with the in-country coordinator who's working on locating children at various government orphanages for referral to waiting families. I asked in the end that our caseworker here in the States communiciate to the in - country coordinator our willingness to be flexible if he finds a situation that is somewhat different than our request.

We can wait; it makes me nervous, but it's okay. Some people have suggested that the wait hasn't been that long - Gigs and I have been at this for less than 2 full years at this point and our dossier has been in E Country for 4 months, that's not long. But I haven't been a mommy for 23 years come the 16th of March and having had the experience of that mother-child relationship, I know that I don't want to go the rest of my life without it. I've said it before, but... I've travelled the world, I've joined the Peace Corps, I've jumped out of airplanes, I've started businesses, I've been on mission trips, I've had the freedom and the resources to do pretty much anything I've wanted to do for almost a quarter of a century. Nothing has compared to that 5 years of my life when I was a mom. I thank God for every moment of that experience and pray that He hasn't put this desire in my heart for naught.

For a reminder and some comfort, I revisit one of my favorite scriptures:

Romans 8:25-27 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Can I take your order please?

We've been encouraged to broaden our request with regard to the adoption since same-sex siblings is tough according to the in-country coordinator. We've increased our acceptable age a bit and opened up to unrelated children. I really wish we could just identify waiting children and go that route - I am uncomfortable with having to state our preferences as if we're putting in an order. God, do your thing - that's what I'm really hoping.

Despite the beautiful weather this weekend, it was pretty lonely and blue around my desserted house. I did get a bit of very necessary cleaning and laundry done, but otherwise it was me and the couch. Sometimes, I guess, it's good to lay low.

I'm not feeling very hopeful about something happening soon, but overall I'm feeling more peaceful in general.

I'm feeling very sad for all of the children rendered unadoptable because of incomplete, inappropriate documentation and health issues. Please say a prayer that God protect them during their lengthier than necessary institutionalization.

I grieve again

The update I received today from the agency said the following:

I checked with [our in-country coordinator] on your case yesterday (each week actually on Thursdays I do). He is really trying to find same-sex siblings for you in the age range you want. Additionally all the paperwork has to be correct on them to legalize them as orphans ( a big deal right, always, with American Embassy). He appreciates your patience and knows that the right kids will come your way [smiley face]. Have a super weekend.

I guess the children I thought they had identified for us didn't exist or were not able to pass paperwork muster. It feels like another faceless loss. I'm sad.

Fundraiser to Benefit "Our" Orphanage

Follow this link to see pictures of our orphanage and connect with our agency who has organized a formula and diaper drive for the children there. It's worth a peak.

Sooner or Later

Well, let's see. I was pretty calm, cool, and collected when I had no news - I was giving it until the end of March to relax about a referral. Then 4 or 5 weeks ago we were contacted by our agency and told that they hoped to be able to provide us our referral in the "next few weeks." I know others who are also still waiting after this communication as well. One woman was told that the child they had in mind for her was not medically eligible for her situation; and another family was told that there were paperwork issues on some children so they were not currently available for referral. Our caseworker did officially announce that two more families were presented referrals in the last couple of weeks, accepted and have court dates in May, but I haven't figured out if I've had any contact with them in the past; no one with whom I have been corresponding has reported good news. So we wait....and I'm getting okay with that. Let's just put it this way - I definitely picked an appropriate name for this blog...I'm starting to feel a bit queasy....