Hope

Today I decided to check in with the agency to see if they had yet heard anything from the birthmother (Sally, for purposes of this blog). The counselor said she spoke with Sally on Friday, that she had just forgotten her appointment on Wednesday, that she had been previously diagnosed with strep throat and then had a relapse. Her mother's trial date was on Thursday and apparently the court "held the charge over", which I guess means she will not be going to jail for the anticipated two years. The counselor asked if Sally still wanted to look at adoption since her mother was going to be around to potentially help her. She said that she DID want to continue to look at adoption. I guess that is good news. Her circumstance may not be as dire as recently thought, but she's still leaning toward the adoption. Honestly, I prefer it this way. I have been having mixed emotions about adopting a child that the mother wanted desperately to parent, but just couldn't afford to, and therefore, was forced to make such a plan.

I have to say, not much about this process feels natural. My natural instinct would be to help her do what she so wants to do, but there's more to her interest in adoption. She's starting to say things like she wants no contact with the birthfather after the baby's born, that she wants to make sure her children have a different kind of life than she had, that she wants to get her life back to normal. She really doesn't have a stable home to provide, and she knows that. I admire her courage and selflessness.

The counselor said she didn't show for another appointment today, so she didn't have a chance to talk to her one on one and could not give more of an update. The agency can in no way push her to do adoption, but they are just now starting pregnancy counselling with her, which I understand is to help her to start dealing with some of the grief issues that are already coming up for her. I hope that she has good support through this difficult time. I really wish I could lend her my best friend, because I know she would be able to count on someone to get her through this tough stuff. Don't know what I would have done throughout my life without Bug (the aforementioned best friend).

The news continues to feed my hope.