Pit in the Stomach

I get nervous when I check in with the Agency assisting us with our adoption. But even worse, when I see their name and number on my caller ID, I must say, I have a pit in my stomach when answering the phone. So much will change with one of their phone calls. Either our lives will be turned upside down by the news that this baby has been born and her mother's decided to choose us and follow through with an adoption; or, the hope of this situation for us is shattered and we'll need to move on from this point. Either way - it's scary!

I keep trying to draw parallels between this adoption and being pregnant all those years ago. For example, I realized that the only crochet project I ever completed was a baby afghan that I crocheted for Jess, my daughter, which I completed proudly before her birth. I immediately became convinced that I needed to complete the one I've been working on for this baby. It's kinda like in the movie, "Field of Dreams" - build it and they will come. Crochet it and the baby will come..... Crochet it and the baby will come.... Can you hear it?

A not so pleasant parallel - today I visited the gynecologist where I had an ultrasound (for purposes other than pregnancy) and all looked well; AND, I think my weight gain for the month was 5 pounds. It's just like being pregnant, sorta.

Future parallel? - My pregnancy was fairly uneventful, the process was fairly easy. I had gotten pregnant without trying (and quite unexpectedly). I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part. Near the end, I got a bit nervous, because there was only one way out of my condition and it didn't sound all that pleasant, but I beat the nerves by preparing for delivery. I had prepared to the point that I could deliver the baby myself alone, if necessary. The labor and delivery went amazingly smoothly; and, from onset of labor to delivery all of about 7 hours passed. There was this healthy, beautiful baby - and as I lay on that delivery room table, that's when I felt it, the fear, the fear came over me - some dread that I hadn't anticipated. The others in the room laughed it off and said, what are you worried about, the hard part is all over; little did they know...

With this adoption, things will have gone very smoothly, and God willing, this baby will be born healthy and beautiful and come home with us, and then for the next 7 to 10 days, we will undoubtedly live on edge; and any phone call from the agency will again cause a pit in my stomach. I wonder if the fear feeling will come over me right after we get the phone call saying sufficient time has passed and we're pretty much in the clear, the baby will be staying.

Today's phone call did not provide any new information, but I was glad to be kept informed. The agency was concerned about the implications of Sally not showing up for an appointment she had made for yesterday. It turned out she just thought the appointment was for Wednesday, and so there was no meaning, per se, in her not showing up. It does not sound like her home situation has improved with regard to stability. Her step-father is being deployed (not in the military, but must work for military supply company) for 51 days. An eviction notice is posted at their house, and her mother, who did not get sentenced to jail time for her domestic violence charge, this time, is ignoring the eviction notice. Sally is making a plan for herself and her son. She indicated last Friday, after her Mother's court appearance, that she is still interested in "looking at" adoption.