Geronimo!

I so thought that after I received the all clear yesterday from USCIS, that I would feel that sense of relief and sleep better than I had been for the last few weeks. In fact, for some reason I slept worse and awoke after 4 and 1/2 hours only to stress and worry and toss and turn, etc. I mostly was worried about getting all of my work projects done prior to departure for Ethiopia. I also worried that I would be less able to function today and get what I need done if I didn't get enough sleep. This made me worry more - you see where that's going.

I equated how I'm feeling right now to the way I felt when I went skydiving several years ago. I made the decision, and then was in. I was nervous during training and I was nervous during that plane ride to 10,000 feet - eeee eeeeee eeeeee I can still hear the noise that plane made going round and round in circles up and up slowly to jumping altitude. I was pretty nervous when I had to step outside of the plane and on to the wing and stand on a 6 inch wide platform - all while wearing no parachute (I was jumping tandem). I was nervous when the tandem jumper came out behind me and hooked his harness on to mine. I was nervous when I had to let go of my hold and lift my legs and hang from the front of the guy. I was nervous when we let go and fell backward, turning to smile at the pilot as the plane appeared to rush away at phenomenal speed. I then was nervous that I couldn't breathe as I stared straight down with my mouth gaping open - not advised. I kept thinking, I'm going to be fine as soon as I know the chute deploys properly, then I'll be fine. The chute opened and after the initial jarring and the one moment of relief, I looked down....and there it was - the ground rushing up at me at a very swift rate. Needless to say I could not then relax. That's where I am now in this adoption process -the ground is rushing up at me with ferocity! I want to relax, I thought I would relax, but I haven't lifted both my legs and gotten into the chair position where I can land safely yet, both feet ready to run as they touch the ground.

The big difference between skydiving and this adoption process is - the skydiving was a one-day experience; we've surpassed the 3 year mark on our quest to adopt! I know I was changed after my big jump and I'm sure I will never be the same after this adoption; in so many ways, I sure hope not!